I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
