I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
