I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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