Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
