I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
