Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
