That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Can Purell be used as lube?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
