my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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