The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
