dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
