My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
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