is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's blow job season.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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