using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He had one of those small greek statue penises
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
