Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
And then my night got REAL pukey
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
