oh god the rape fog is back!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
