i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
