I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
