I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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