when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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