The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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