barbara walters just said penis...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
