It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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