I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
