He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
