As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
