a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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