I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Shame is for Republicans.
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