how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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