New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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