Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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