oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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