I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
