The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
