Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
