I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
