So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
