Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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