I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
