Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
