You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
