She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
