I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
