Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
