a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
