what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
