Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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