What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
