Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
