u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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