DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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