I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
