So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
