I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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