He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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