My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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