He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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