You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
